I know I haven’t written for a while but I needed time to just be; to just listen and pray and read and relax without trying to find nuggets to share on my blog.
That being said I have been thinking a lot about my birthday this year. I’m turning 25 tomorrow and I’ve realized I have some ‘hang-ups’ about that number. I always figured at 25 I would have life figured out. I thought at 25 I would be set in some sort of career, living overseas, and be ‘a real adult’. Even when I was in college I thought at 25 I would be set on a clear path and achieving ‘big’ things.
In my family most of the women are married by 25 and are getting ready to have children. Most have built a life by the time they are 25. And while each of us have our own paths to go down and our own lives to live, sometimes I wonder when I’ll feel settled. Sometimes I wonder when I’ll feel like I’m building a life.
And then I look around and realize that I want an illogical life. I want a life that follows God’s call no matter the consequences. I want a life that reflects obedience instead of trying to cram my life into a box I think it should fit into. That means looking through that box and letting go of the things I think I should have at 25.
And as I re-evaluate the last 24 years, I can say nothing about my life has fit into a box, there are few bows, and I’m facing the most uncertain year ever. My life has had numerous twists and several extreme turns. I never know what is going to happen. So, this year means more of Him and less of me. As I’ve let go of some desires I am seeking His desires for my life.
And somehow, it’s freeing knowing I don’t have to carry the weight of building my life on my own because I can cast all my worries and anxieties on Him who has already set out a purpose for me.