..with how well you take care of yourself.’
I heard this said to me while I was in Chicago. I sat there both happy and distressed at these words. I felt validated in my independence, in my efforts to prove I can successfully live life without being a burden to others. It was as if my ‘adulthood’ was being acknowledged. And I liked that.
However, as I am still wandering in my desert of humility, I continue to do laps around the issue of self-sufficiency. I’ve been trying to risk more this year (thanks to Alece’s New Year’s challenge) and a big part of that risk has been asking for help because I know I far too easily (and too often) rely only on myself. So, while I was happy to have this trait recognized, I was also challenged. Am I asking for help as much as I could/should be? Am I risking like I said I would?
I don’t have answers to those questions. I don’t know if I’m asking for help more now than I was 10 months ago. I don’t know if I’m breaking down my I-can-do-it-myself walls. All I know is I still need to work on it.
I know the people who said this to me meant it as a compliment, as praise. I know they wanted to encourage me and support me. I know they had no idea I was trying to live more in community and less by myself. And I so appreciate that recognition. It was just a VERY full statement for me…one that held my heart gently but also challenged her.