Life has been very busy lately. I feel behind. I feel like the water level is rising and I’m barely staying afloat. Rest has not happened for a few weeks. It’s frustrating for so many reasons. I feel disconnected with my friends and my ‘cyber life’. I feel isolated on an island of ‘must-do’s’ instead of strolling along the path of ‘want-to-do’s’.
Not all of my busy-ness has been unpleasant. Actually, most of it has been wonderful. And this adds to my frustration because I’m not sure from where these feelings of running to keep up, exhaustion, and disconnectedness are coming. And now that I (finally) have a computer at work, I can start being more active in my ‘cyber life’. So why am I grumpy about my schedule?
I haven’t figured it out yet.
So, in all my Type A-ness, I’m going to walk us through The Busy Month of April in the hopes that recounting my busy-ness will reveal to me why my heart is wrestling.
- I started at a new project at work which consisted of living in a pre-modern world for a while. No phone. No cell reception. No computer. No email. Lots of paper work (and paper cuts) and lots of handwriting (and pen marks all over my hands). Even with a computer now, I don’t have access to personal email. It’s frustrating to sit in front of a computer all day and then go home and go through the emails in my personal account. It feels like more work…the last thing I want to do during the evening.
- My lovely friend Sonja came to visit for the first time a few weekends ago. I hadn’t seen her in almost 3 years! Sonja and I met the first week of freshmen year of college- we lived on the same floor. Although we haven’t always been close, over the past few years, I don’t go a day without talking to her. We laugh together. We cry together. We encourage each other. We understand each other. We are silly together. We are sounding boards for each other. Having her here was honey to my soul. The companionship was awesome. My heart felt comforted and cradled by just having someone to experience life with. I loved seeing Sonja explore the sights and sounds that this city has to offer. I loved watching her not worry about work, family, friends, etc while she was here. I loved watching her enjoy herself. (Don’t worry, I’m trying to convince her to move out here!)
- One of the girls in my Bible Study got married the weekend after Sonja came. Five of us went on a road trip down south to be there for her wedding. It took place in a small, country chapel. Family and friends filled the building…there weren’t enough seats. The bride was all smiles, glowing with joy. The groom had tears in his eyes. The sermon talked about Christ’s love for the church. It spoke about how we know love only because Christ has first loved us. It was geared towards the non-believers in the ‘audience’ but I haven’t been able to shake the message of the sermon. The reception was beautiful with whimsical lighting and 80s music all night. The rest of the weekend was spent visiting different wineries and spending quality time together as a group.
- I’m in Chicago this weekend. I bought my ticket Wednesday night for a flight on Thursday. It was very last minute and very unplanned (and I don’t do either of those well). My dad set up a networking meeting with the VP of the organization where I want to work. I’m praying those 10 minutes I have with this guy goes well. I feel a bit like a groupie, flying halfway across the country to meet someone for a few minutes. But I knew I’d regret not going. Plus with the free plane ticket I had, family to stay with, and a friend who works at Enterprise, this is probably the most economical trip I’ve ever done.
All of this has left me feeling a little sad, a little flustered, a little confused but very blessed. I think I just need a mentality shift, what I call a 2 milimeter shift. I need to change my thinking of not having personal email at work as a blessing to keep me focused on work and working unto the Lord…instead of thinking of it as being put in prison and away from the outside world. God is doing some amazing things right now and I want my heart to acknowledge that at every turn.