I’d love to spend time today lifting up you, your situation, your concerns, your thankfulness to our Father. How can I be praying for you right now?

Let’s join together in your prayers!

I forgot.

Small at first,
A forced smile here,
A choked back tear there.

I forgot.

Protective walls built,
Old wounds too quickly remembered.

I forgot.

Cautious answers,
Hesitant questions.

I forgot.

But slowly, I’m remembering,
To lower this adorned mask.

I had forgotten.

The beauty in a cracked smile,
The elegance in the struggle.

I had forgotten.

But I’m remembering.

To be authentic when it’s hard,
And laugh from my soul.

I’m remembering.

To drop the mask,
And be real-
No matter what.

I’m remembering…

*     *     *

If there was a way to measure success with OneWord’s, I would imagine it would be weaving in the word you chose into your everyday life in small and big ways. I would imagine it would be learning how to incorporate this word in different aspects of your life. I would imagine it would be feeling like you ‘conquered’ the word and have made it into some sort of discipline.

Thankfully, this isn’t about succeeding or failing at a resolution.

Because if it were, I think I would have flunked the rejoicing class.

I look back over my year and now see hundreds of times I had a chance to rejoice, and instead I responded in anger, hurt, confusion. Whether in response to the devastating headlines that hit the news month after month this year or in personal relationships, I know I did not always choose to rejoice. I know my actions and words did not spew out a spirit of rejoicing.

If I’m most honest (say it, Stacey), I’m not sure an outsider would even know I was trying to focus on rejoicing this year. I fought more often than I praised. I questioned more often than I accepted. I grieved more often than I sang.

But I did learn.

I learned that having a rejoicing spirit stems from having a perspective fixed on the eternal, not the fleeting. I learned that rejoicing means holding loosely to everything, instead of clinging white-knuckled to what I think is important. It is about trusting God in everything that happens, not just the good things. I learned to stop more often and thank God for the small things: the green lights I needed when running late, the text message from a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while, a song that captures the state of my heart, the laughter in pain. I learned to acknowledge God in more things that I have before. And I learned true rejoicing will never be masked in a fake smile and cliché answers.

How did your OneWord2011 go?

Live in NYC? Great, I’ve lived in Connecticut. Live in San Francisco? Cool, I lived in SoCal for a few years. From Minnesota? Awesome, I grew up in the Midwest. Moved here from Russia? No way, my good friend from high school was from Siberia.

I got most of the globe covered. And if I have little to no reference point, say for tiny Pacific Islands or Antarctica, I can carry on a conversation about SOMETHING from that area. My love for culture helps with this in so many ways. Sometimes I learn nuances I hadn’t picked up on. Other times I provide a small sense of familiarity to someone who may be far from home.

This weekend, however, I was at a complete loss. I spent the weekend as a leader for a Young Life retreat for high school students. Our group were rough-n-tough, inner city, living-at-or-below-poverty line kids. Meaning I have NOTHING in common with them. Normally, this isn’t a problem since my curiosity starts communication which then eases the tension. This weekend, however, I was met with rude remarks, snide smiles, and blatant ignoring. When some of the kids finally did open up a little, my  heart just completely broke. I made a point this weekend to just listen to these kids. I didn’t interject my own story or struggles. I didn’t try to fix their hopeless situations. I just listened and prayed.

One of the kids asked me what I prayed about. When I asked him why he wanted to know, he said he wondered what someone like me could possibly pray about since ‘I have it all together, I have no problems’. He looked at me, a white girl who went to college, and thought my life has been handed to me with no hardship. It made me wonder the image I give off. It made me question how transparent I am. It made me worry if my lack of ability to relate to these kids will spill over to my ministry in South Africa.

So, I sat on the bus ride home praying for these kids. I prayed for their situations. I prayed for their futures. I prayed for healing from their pasts. I prayed God use them in unimaginable ways. And I thanked Him for being bigger than my insecurities and my doubts. I thanked Him for choosing and calling me to spend the weekend with Young Life; for opening my eyes to how my neighbors live.

This preschool is located in an informal settlement with dirt roads plagued by sewage. Help me give Catherine a ride to work!

..of transportation!

Now that the cat is out of the bag, I am in a season of building support for my move to South Africa. I have been blown away by all of the encouragement and prayers you all have been giving. It means so much to be surrounded by life-giving community. Thank you all.

I am happy to say that you have given enough money so I am able to set up a house in Johannesburg!! Your gifts of generosity have left me speechless and with chills. I don’t take any gift lightly, so I want to take a moment to just say thank you. From the deepest part of my being, thank you. Knowing I can start well is so important and a large part of that is the cost associated with a home. So, rest assured, I will have a bed, a refrigerator, and somewhere to call ‘my home’. That is something I haven’t had in years, so thank you!

This Christmas, I am asking that you give the gift of transportation. This is an opportunity for you to give a one-time gift that will go directly to my moving costs. Give the gift of mobility. This gift will allow me to meet with people, bring food and resources, transport the sick, and literally bring people to church to meet Jesus.

My goal is to move to South Africa in January 2013 which means this holiday season YOU can be a part of making that a reality! Together, we can tell the unreached in South Africa the reason for Christmas.

To donate, go to OCI’s website and click donate. You can give online by entering my name and ‘OE’ (which stands for Outgoing Expenses).

Blessings of hope, peace, and joy this Christmas season!

Want more information?
DM me on Twitter or email me!

You can be a world changer.
You can save lives.
You can save souls.
You can eradicate AIDS.
You can end poverty.
You can free slaves.
You can rescue victims of human trafficking.
You can give hope to a nation.

These problems are not ones we can ignore. They are not problems we can brush aside because they seem ‘too big to tackle’. When we work together, in unity, to address the horrors in this world we discover there are solutions that will work. God created us to function as one unit, the Body of Christ, to address these hard issues.

Jesus set an example on how to approach these evils. Meet the physical needs while addressing the heart of the person. It is not enough to give and ‘check that box’. It is not enough to volunteer without relationship. It is not enough to share struggles without prayer.

Some of us are called to give generously. I challenge you to give prayerfully, with passion for the cause.

Some of us are called to serve in our communities. I challenge you to serve relationally- learning names, stories, faces. I challenge you to see them as Jesus saw those He healed. I challenge you to pray with them.

Some of us are called to raise awareness of a cause. I challenge you to share with knowledge and compassion. I challenge you to share with your family, coworkers, Starbucks barista, bus driver, and friends. Have hard conversations. Tell how Jesus came that we may be whole.

Some of us, like me, are called to be ‘in the trenches’ with the lost. I challenge us to show love sacrificially, until it hurts. I challenge us to remember without God, we cannot do one single thing. I challenge us to think long-term.

When we obey the call God has given us, we play our part in bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to earth. We must be oriented to address physical and spiritual needs. One cannot last without the other. Lasting impact – lasting change – happens when we remember the person’s soul when we see a starving child, a woman dying of HIV, a man unable to provide for his family. We must BE the church. We must SHOW compassion. We must TELL of Christ’s love.

Today, on World’s AIDS Day, I challenge you to think how you will play your part in addressing one of the great problems of our day. I challenge you to get out of your comfort, out of what feels good. Do more than you think you can. Give more than you want. Share until you are blue in the face. Silence means it’s ok. Set your sights higher than you can ever imagine reaching because only then can you fully rely on God, able to tell of all He provided.

GO.DO.TELL.BE.GIVE.

I’d love to hear how you have/are/will respond to the call!

But, when I’m in the kitchen in the morning and I feel a rush of warmth as I eat breakfast at the table, sun shining in through the bare window. And I exhale. On my way to work, my body is warmed to the core as I pass through patches of dancing sunlight and I breathe in deeply.

I’m taken back to days of freezing temperatures, unrelenting wind, curled up under several blankets shivering in a hut in South Africa. Days where I stood outside in the sun, the only source of warmth, lifting  my face to the sky saying words of praise for the momentary relief from the cold. I’m taken to days where I felt in my element, engaging with people I should have nothing in common with, speaking another language. I’m taken to days looking over the African terrain, watching herds of animals gather together for warmth. I’m taken to days where women wear blankets walking to the market and heat their houses with firewood stoves.

And I smile.

I’m reminded of God’s faithfulness and goodness when the sun’s warmth washes over my frigid body. I’m reminded of my calling, my place, my purpose when I feel it’s glow on my skin. In a season of trying to warm myself up alone, relying on clothes, blankets, and fires, I’m reminded only He can truly change me. Only He can truly provide what I need. Only He can bring that provision right when my shivers become too much for me.

What’s something that reminds you of your element?
How does God meet you when you need Him?

I’ve been accepted to the OCI team in Johannesburg!

I’m moving to South Africa!

God has shown Himself faithful, trustworthy, and full of blessings! I am so incredibly excited!

So, what does this mean?

It means I will be a long-term missionary in Southern Africa. It means I am in a season of transition and building partnerships (in prayer, encouragement, and financial support). Together, we can further the Kingdom of God in Africa. Together, we can change the nation of South Africa. Together, we can inject the hope of Christ in a hopeless generation.

What can YOU do?

You can pray for South Africa, the OCI team in Johannesburg, and for me as I enter this new season. You can tell people about how God is moving in South Africa and about my calling there. And you can contact me if you want more information on how to support me (just leave your email in a comment). I’d love to share my heart for South Africa with you. I’d love to share with you my journey and how God is calling me to serve. I’d love for you to catch the heartbeat of global missions!

*     *     *

Hijacked

I never saw this coming. At all. It wasn’t even on my radar to pay attention to. When I say this came out of nowhere, I really mean it.

My life has been hijacked.

Let me take you back a few years; when it was still my own…

Growing up, I always strived for the best grades. I attended some of the best schools to get the best education so I could get the best job. I was goal oriented and career minded.

After graduating college, I landed a great job with a great paycheck in Washington, DC. Was it my dream job? No. But I knew it would add so much to my resume and skill set. So, I stayed- for two years, dying in my cubicle little by little every day.

But I had the cute outfits, the fun vacations, and all the dinners out I wanted with an ever-increasing savings account. I thought this was what the adult life was all about.

But…something was missing.

Read the rest over at Carl’s blog!

I’d love to know what has been going on in your life. What are you looking forward to? What are you learning? What are your plans for Halloween? What have been some highlights of autumn for you? Fill me in!

All my hopes, dreams, fears, and doubts
I hold in my hands,
Emptied from my heart .

Some surprises and some ‘old friends’
Greeted me as they entered my hands.
I struggled to contain everything in my grip,
Not wanting to let one thing slip through
My fingers.

You sit with me, letting me tell You
About each thing I’m holding-
Every memory, hurt, passion-
No matter how long it takes.

When I’m finished, when I feel heard,
You ask me to give them all to You-
To empty my hands completely.
And I hesitate.

Empty hands mean no control,
No agenda, no say.
Right?
I feel the butterflies awaken
In my abdomen. Scared.

As I wrestle with letting go,
It occurs to me that empty hands
Are open hands.
Open to Your possibilities,
Desires, healing, comfort
And plan.

They are open to whatever comes
For however long You give it to me.
I need not cling to something
Because of fear or excitement.
I need not release something
Before the lesson is learned.

I open my hands, my heart
To Your timing,
To Your plan. Give me
What You will.

May I trust You while always
Keeping them open,
Never clasped, never sealed;
Even when confused, hurt,
Or thinking my best
Is better than Yours.

What do you want to learn?
Anyone out there who can help me learn one of these things? =)

I cannot transform the lives of those hurting…

I cannot heal broken hearts or broken bones…

I cannot eradicate unemployment so families have enough to eat…

I cannot end poverty…

I cannot build enough homes to move the millions of people living in shacks…

I cannot feed every hungry person I meet…

I cannot plant churches in all of the unreached people groups…

I cannot keep an addict from relapsing…

I cannot provide medication for all the sick people I know…

I cannot always find the strength to continue fighting the Prince of this World…

…BUT God can!

God can take a few loaves of bread and a few fish and feed thousands. God multiplies our efforts; it is the economy of His Kingdom. God can heal the blind, the lame, those with broken hearts and bones. God can raise from the dead. God, the Sovereign, has already gone ahead of us and claimed victory in our efforts.

Alone we can do nothing but with God we can do anything.

So pray big! Expect big! Put yourself in situations where you must call on God so all who hear know the only way you could have done what you did was because of your God. Call on Him in impossible situations because that is His specialty. Boldly tell what you have seen your God do because He is alive, moving, and still performing miracles.

You cannot..but God can!

Do you have a ‘…but God’ story?
I’d love to hear it!
Fill in the blank: ‘I cannot ______…but I am now standing in faith that God can!’

This is a Cape Buffalo

This rhino was bigger than a minivan!

This is Eddie, the cheetah we played with!

Yup! We were THAT close! RAWR!

What’s something fun you did this past week?

The road, if you can call it that, had turned to mud from dirty laundry water and sewage. Our tires could not escape the amount of holes, bumps, and grooves made in the dirt. It was just wide enough for one car to safely pass through the lines of shacks on either side. I had seen shacks before, but nothing like these. Strips of cardboard taped together, plastic bags as window liners.

Children play in the water as the sun beats down on their dark skin. People lounge outside of their homes; some washing clothes in large bins, some playing board games, and some walking through the streets carrying items home on the top of their heads.

We are stared at by everyone. Why are the whities coming in? What do they want? A few children raise their fists, thumbs extended in a greeting, Sharp. I lift my hand with my thumb extended in return, a way to say hello back; to acknowledge I see them. Sabona. Sanibonani. Hello. Hello to you all. I see you. The Zulu greetings come from those whose curiosity gets the best of them.

We follow signs to the church, ‘Judah Africa Outreach Service ——>’

We pull up to a clearing amongst the dense shacks. A stage with speakers turned up all the way streaming passionate prayers from the church leaders greet our ears. I always forget how loud African church is. A crowd has gathered, umbrellas in hand to block the bright sun. Children huddle at the front of the crowd, showing off dresses and new shirts, arms wrapped around one another. Community.

A few people from the camp look on, sitting on the stoop of their shack watching and listening. A few men walk through the service, just passing through. Some seeds will be eaten by the birds. Some seeds will fall on rocky ground…

And then, then the music starts. The excitement in the crowd is tangible as voices rise and bodies move in praises to their Lord; their only hope. As the dancing starts, feet move with joy and all join in. Each song has its own dance. I join in, unsure of the steps but unable to stand still. Dust swirls around us as we kick up dirt in our unashamed praising of God. Worship lasts over an hour as these people with no money, no electricity, no running water, few jobs, and poor-excuse-for-shelter-for-homes lift up thanksgiving and praise to God. The same God I blame when my life doesn’t turn out how I think; the same God I yell at when I feel cheated, slighted, deceived; the same God I seem to only thank when things go my way. The faith of these people rocked my heart as I heard them stand in belief for change, provision, healing, and souls saved in their community.

Oh, to dance so feverishly for my Father that all the dust in my life is kicked up!